Shame
Burning face. Sweating palms. Wishing the ground would swallow you up. Sound familiar?
At some point or other, we all experience feelings of shame. It’s really common. Shame is often connected to cultural or social norms – when we say or do something that could be perceived as harmful to others, the guilt we feel afterwards can stop us from doing it again in the future.
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In Ancient Greece, women had very few rights and were considered unfit to hold political positions, thanks to their so-called ‘excessive emotions’.
The perceived source of this behaviour? Hysteria. A condition caused by wombs wandering around inside the body. Which incidentally was thought to cause all illnesses a woman could suffer from. Even Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine, subscribed to the wandering womb theory.
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In the 1500s, when anatomy – the study of bodies – began, leading anatomist Andreas Vesalious declared that having a clitoris was abnormal. Why? Because he thought the vagina was equivalent to the penis, which doesn’t have a clitoris.
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While doctors eventually learnt the truth about wombs and female anatomy, hysteria was considered a term to describe numerous and different symptoms until the early 20th Century.
Women’s reproductive and sex organs have been misunderstood for literally thousands of years, and in addition, there’s still a gender health gap in the UK, which the government is aware of and is working on to try to close.
That's why we're here to give you the facts, whether you have a vagina or not. We want to empower people to know there’s nothing wrong with vaginas and vulvas, and they are nothing to be ashamed of, infections, smells, sweat, hair, labia and all.
Worried about responding to shame-inducing comments? Here are some ideas that could come in handy:
"You have a camel toe”
or “I can see your vagina in that"
If you have a vulva, it might be visible through tight clothing. You can’t make it invisible.
You could try responding with “Yes I know” or “You’re making me feel uncomfortable” – talking about someone else’s genitals is not OK.
“I’ve seen other vulvas in real life and yours looks different”
All vulvas are different, so yours won’t look exactly like the other ones they’ve seen in real life. Vulvas are like faces – there won’t be another one that looks the exact same as yours! So why would somebody say your vulva is abnormal or ‘weird’? They might just think it’s a funny thing to say – even though it's not – or perhaps they're insecure and looking to make someone else feel the same way.
You could try responding with: “Of course not, because they’re all different.” Or: “It’s unacceptable for you to make me feel bad about myself”.
“What’s that hanging thing?” or “It shouldn’t be hanging”
They’re probably talking about your inner labia extending below the outer labia, which is rarely shown in porn, so people don’t realise that 50% of women have vulvas with visible inner labia.
You could try responding with: “This is just what a vulva looks like in real life.” You could also tell them to do their own research into what labia are. If they can search for porn, it’s not that hard to search for the truth.
“That vulva is ugly”
When this insult is thrown around it could make people feel ashamed but it isn't a reflection of what your vulva looks like – it’s a general fear and disgust instilled by society.
You could try responding with: “You need to grow up.” Or: “You should educate yourself.”
You could even point them in the direction of this website. Whether they have a vagina of their own or not, nobody should think vulvas are ugly – it’s time for everybody to learn the truth.
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